Best Christmas Ever
by Jlocked
Summary: Jim wasn't supposed to be home for Christmas, but a phone call makes him change his mind. (Mini-sequel to Baggage, written in colaboration with The Lady Of Purpletown)


"I'm sorry, Tiger," Jim said. "I didn't think you'd care. I mean, I usually don't really notice Christmas anyway."

When he hung up 10 minutes later, he was feeling rather annoyed, a tiny bit guilty and a whole lot of something else he couldn't really define. How was he supposed to know that 'our first Christmas together' was something special? It wasn't like they were a couple or anything. Not in any traditional sense, anyway.

They lived together, shagged (a lot) and enjoyed each other's company. But they weren't exclusive. Or talking about anything long term.

So why was Sebastian so pissed about Jim going to Japan for a job over Christmas? Why didn't he just go to the pub or the gym or whatever it was he usually did when Jim was away? Why did it all suddenly _matter_ so much?

He was just going to have to deal with it, Jim figured. He couldn't just drop everything and fly halfway around the world because Sebastian wanted to eat disgusting food and watch stupid specials with him, wearing PJs (which neither of them ever wore), surrounded by wrapping paper and used crackers.

15 hours later, he was hauling his suitcase and several plastic bags, one of them particularly large and ungainly, through Gatwick. When he finally found a cab, he was sweating and hating himself almost as much as he hated Sebastian right now. But he couldn't just go home and get that shower he wanted so desperately. He had a few stops to make first.

He paid the cabbie a generous tip to help him get all his stuff up to the front door, then got out his key. It would, of course, have been easier to get Sebastian to pick him up. But that would have ruined the surprise. Hoping that his favourite sniper wouldn't hear the door, he let himself in and tiptoed to the kitchen to drop off the large paper bags filled with the best take-out Christmas dinner London could offer, before he carefully arranged the presents under the largest potted plant in the living room. (He had briefly entertained the possibility of picking up a tree too, but there were limits to how far he would go. Even for Sebastian.)

Finally satisfied, he shrugged off his coat, kicked off his shoes and made his way upstairs. It was still fairly early, so Sebastian was probably still asleep. Jim giggled as he imagined the look on his face when he was woken up to the best Christmas ever.

His smile vanished, however, as he approached the door to what had been _their_ bedroom for several months now. He stood still, listening. Yes. There could be no doubt. He could hear voices. And laughter.

It felt like fire inside and his vision grew hazy for a second. Yes, they weren't exclusive, but... In Jim's own bed? How could he? And yesterday Sebastian had been moaning on the phone about how much he missed his Kitten. How things just weren't the same without him.

Before Jim had time to think, his gun was in his hand and he was pushing the door open.

He approached the bed slowly. They weren't going at it right now. Probably they had just finished. Or were getting ready for a morning shag.

They were definitely very close. Just one large lump under the black sheets. Jim's sheets...

Sebastian laughed. That lazy deep rumble he only used when they were alone together. When they were Kitten and Tiger.

Jim raised the gun slowly, then hesitated as one of them moved. The sheet shifted and a long, smooth and very dark leg was revealed.

Jim almost cried out. How dare they?

He closed his eyes and cocked the gun.

For a second all movement under the sheets stopped. Then Sebastian's voice came from under the blanket, slightly muffled but with a clear impatient tone. "Oh, Kitten. You know you're not gonna shoot us, so put that gun down." Jim heard the sound of sheets being pushed out of the way and when he opened his eyes, Sebastian was sitting up, raising his eyebrows at him.

Ignoring Logan's frightened squeak, Jim swallowed down the lump in his throat and hissed: "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Because, as you can see, we're not shagging. We're not even kissing. So unless I'm not allowed to have a friend over for Christmas, _boss_ , I don't think we have a problem."

Only now did Jim realise that they were both dressed. Well, sort of... Logan in a purple silk pyjama top and pink boxer shorts, and Sebastian in a very tight t-shirt (one of Jim's?) and striped pyjama pants.

Though they were still very close, they looked more cosy than anything else, and Sebastian's hair was distinctly unshagged.

Jim sighed and lowered the gun. "What the hell is going on here?" he huffed.

"You weren't going to be home for Christmas," Sebastian said, shrugging.

"And you made it sound like the end of the world," Jim countered. "Anyway, plans change, so here I am. And here you are... Both of you." He put the gun in his pocket. "I need a shower."

"Not yet, James," Logan said, getting up on their knees and crawling across the bed to give him a quick kiss. "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah..." Sebastian stood up and invaded Jim's personal space with two large strides, grabbing his arm and pulling him in for a deep, possessive kiss.

Jim struggled a bit, but there was no denying that Sebastian's kiss felt very much like coming home and soon he was clinging to him, tugging at the tight shirt.

Sebastian smirked against his lips and finally pushed him off. "Later," he promised. "You _do_ need a shower..."

Breathless, Jim tried to glare at him, but judging from the kiss he received on the tip of his nose it wasn't very effective, so he sighed and headed for the bathroom.

"I'll get out of your way now," Logan called after him. "See you soon. I hope."

Jim just grunted in reply and slammed the door behind him.

Fifteen minutes later, he finally felt like he'd washed off the stench of a transatlantic flight in coach.

He dried himself and then, throwing the towel over his shoulders, returned to the bedroom. He almost yelped in surprise as he was met by Sebastian and Logan, the latter now fully clothed, grinning at him.

"Oh James..." Logan said. "That's just the sweetest thing... Who knew you had it in you?"

"He _does_ have his soppy moments now and then," Sebastian said, but there was a fond twinkle in his eyes as he looked down at Jim.

Slowly realising that he had made a mistake, Jim tried to push past them to get to the closet. "I don't know what you two are talking about. I've got work to do."

"Work?" Sebastian grinned. "Oh, we don't mind if they're not wrapped..."

"Huh?" Jim stared at him for a second, then huffed and turned away to figure out which suit matched his mood. Something dark.

"Oh no, you're not dressing like that today," Sebastian said.

Jim tried to ignore him, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "We've got something for you," Logan said. "Sebastian picked it out himself."

Sebastian handed over a thick bundle, wrapped in deep purple silk paper, and gave him an expectant look.

Jim took it reluctantly. "What's this?" he asked.

"A present," Sebastian said. "Not your real one, but... something to prepare yourself. You see, we were working on a little surprise too..."

Jim tossed the bundle onto the bed. "I don't like surprises," he snapped.

"Oh James," Logan purred, taking hold of his shoulders. "We weren't doing it for your sake."

"After all _you_ won't be able to see how cute you look in it," Sebastian said, prowling closer.

As Logan tightened their grip, Jim sighed. "Is this another one of your games?" he asked. "I already told you, I don't do role playing."

"I remember something different," Sebastian said, finally towering over him. "Look, you're going to wear this. Whether you want to or not."

He grabbed the bundle and ripped open the paper, showing soft dark fabric with a pattern of tiny grey skulls all over. "Logan, hold him for me, will you?"

"Sure thing, darling." Logan wrapped their arms around Jim and lifted him off the floor.

He was so surprised that it took him a moment to start struggling. Then he did his best to prevent them putting the luxurious pyjamas on him. But they were both taller and stronger than him and he didn't want to risk hurting them, so soon he was dressed and being carried between them downstairs.

"Aren't you a pretty Kitten," Sebastian teased, looking down at him with a wide grin.

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Jim roared, struggling, but not so much they would drop him.

"Because, Kitten dear, you are going to have a very, very merry Christmas," Sebastian answered calmly.

Jim had almost resigned to his fate when they entered the living room and he saw his Wollemi pine, its branches still wet from the morning rain, balancing precariously in one of his Italian terra cotta pots.

"What the hell did you do?" he screamed, nearly knocking his head against the wall in a frantic attempt to get free.

Logan loosened their grip on his torso. "We... We needed a Christmas tree..." they said, all smugness gone.

"This was the prettiest one we found in the garden," Sebastian added, shrugging as he lowered Jim's feet to the floor. "You can't expect us to track down a proper Christmas tree in the time it takes you to shower."

"So you went and cut down the rarest tree in my garden?" Jim roared. "Do you have any idea how long it will take to grow a new one to that size?"

"Maybe we can just plant it again," Sebastian said. "It's kind of cool that we got you a rare Christmas tree, don't you think?" He gave Logan a smug wink.

"You can't 'just plant it again'! How stupid are you?" If Jim had still had his gun, Christmas might have ended right then and there. Instead he tried to storm out, but Logan tackled him and they both tumbled to the floor.

Sebastian kneeled next to them and took hold of Jim's shoulder to keep him in place. "Look, we're sorry. We'll make it up to you. So don't make such a fuss."

Mad as Jim was, he couldn't keep his tantrum going, trapped under two such strong and familiar bodies. So he settled for silent, murderous rage.

…

Arms crossed in front of him, Jim sat on the sofa, fuming as he watched the two idiots at work. The silk pyjamas were not the only thing they had bought in preparation of his forced Christmas. Bit by shiny, glimmering bit, his nice home was being turned into tinsel hell.

When they put a sparkly angel on top of his prehistoric tree, he closed his eyes, battling the urge to tear their collective throats out with his teeth. And then Logan began singing!

They did have a lovely voice, but Jim was really not in the mood for such a cheerful rendition of Winter Wonderland. Especially not when he looked out at the rain that had began drizzling again, washing everything in shades of dull and dreadful.

Then Logan came over to him and bent down to kiss his cheek. When they straightened up, there was a sprig of mistletoe sticking out of the lowest buttonhole of Jim's pyjama top.

The significance of this escaped him until they both, satisfied with their desecration of his living room, came over to kneel in front of him, grinning wickedly.

"Look at you, watching us like we're the best Christmas show that's ever been on," Sebastian teased.

"I hate you," Jim huffed. But then Logan reached up to tug playfully at the waistband of his pyjamas.

"We have to kiss under the mistletoe," they said. "Otherwise it's bad luck."

Sebastian nodded seriously. "We can't have that. Imagine my next job going wrong."

Jim sighed, mainly to cover up the smug grin that was threatening to chase away his scowl. "Get on with it then," he snapped.

Eagerly, Logan began tugging at the slick fabric and Jim raised himself up to make it easier.

"Shame we don't want to ruin those pyjamas so soon," Sebastian said, licking his lips as he gave the revealed skin a predatory look. He pushed Logan a little aside and bit gently at Jim's lower belly.

Jim hissed. "Easy, Tiger. You don't want to ruin me either, do you?"

Logan giggled and then nudged Sebastian so he could lick Jim's hip.

"Oh, I quite like making a mess of you," Sebastian purred, trailing his fingers slowly over Jim's cock.

Jim closed his eyes and moaned. "Then do it, instead of just talking about it."

Sebastian chuckled. "One kiss under the mistletoe, coming up." Jim waited, but when nothing happened, he opened his eyes, just in time to see Sebastian press a kiss to Logan's cheek.

"Bastard," he huffed, trying to push Sebastian away.

Sebastian only laughed harder and then _finally_ took him in his mouth.

Jim groaned and leaned back, closing his eyes again and letting Logan push his legs further apart, so they could get close enough to help Sebastian with lips and tongue.

Sebastian growled possessively and splayed a hand on Jim's lower back to urge him a little forward.

Jim let himself slide closer to the edge of the sofa, letting the two treat him to a very pleasant blowjob.

Afterwards they joined him on the sofa for a very cuddly bit of snogging.

"Okay," Jim purred when they came up for air. "You're forgiven. But you're getting me a new tree."

"Of course," Logan said, kissing his cheek. Then they jumped up. "Presents!" they announced, hurrying over to fetch the ones Jim had brought home, as well as some he and Sebastian had put under the tree while decorating.

"Here's one for 'Tiger'," they said, flopping down next to Jim while reading the tag on a bright orange box with black ribbon.

Jim quickly took it from them. "Not that one," he said. "That was just... just a joke..."

"I like to laugh," Sebastian said, grabbing it from Jim in turn and pulling the ribbon loose.

Logan was the one to laugh the most, though, as Sebastian opened the box to reveal a pair of very fluffy tiger-striped slippers, complete with large plastic claws.

"They're perfect!" they gasped. "Go ahead and put them on."

Jim kept his eyes on Sebastian, though, desperately wishing he hadn't bought the silly things.

Sebastian turned his head towards him, raising his eyebrows. Then he put the slippers on his socked feet and wiggled them a bit. "Yeah," he said. "I think they suit me."

Jim couldn't help it. He began laughing too and then pulled Sebastian in for a deep kiss.

There was a lot of cuddling and giggling going on while they opened the other presents. Logan absolutely loved their new dakimakura pillow featuring one of their most favourite characters and Jim, in turn, was so eager to try out the new juicer Logan gave him, that Sebastian had to restrain him from going off to the kitchen in search of something juiceable. The scotch he'd gotten for Sebastian was, however, put to use right away, though he completely forgot about it when he opened Jim's final present and saw the new hunting knife that had proved such a hassle getting into the country.

"Oh..." Sebastian picked it up and took his time admiring it from every angle. "That's gorgeous..." He turned to Jim and rested the cool tip of the blade against his cheekbone for a moment. "Thank you, Kitten."

"It was a very selfish gift," Jim said, only a little breathless.

Sebastian smirked and kissed him, moving the knife only slightly to the side to avoid cutting himself.

When they finally broke apart, Jim was seriously tempted to just drag Sebastian upstairs. But there was something missing.

"What did you get for me, Tiger?" he asked, trying not to sound too eager.

"Ah... Right." Sebastian cleared his throat and pulled back a little. "I... Well... _We_ got you something. But... I didn't know you'd be here. So my real gift isn't here yet."

He looked away, clearly bothered.

"So... give me this... fake gift..." Jim giggled. Then he caught sight of Logan who had actual tears in their eyes, struggling to hold back laughter. Jim glared at Sebastian. "What did you do?" he growled.

Sebastian smiled and gave him the last package. "Don't worry, Kitten. You'll love it. I just wish I had the other gift too."

Hesitantly, Jim opened the box, frowning when he saw a bundle of cheap, grey fleece. "What's this?" he asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Go ahead," Logan urged, giggling madly. "Try it on."

Sebastian watched him expectantly and nodded. "Don't make us wait any longer, Kitten. I've been imagining you in that thing ever since we bought it."

With growing trepidation, Jim pulled the grey material slowly out of the box. For a moment he thought it might be a robe, but the 'belt' turned out to be attached at one end. And what kind of robe closed with velcro? Then he realised that the garment had legs. And feet...

"What the hell is this?" he muttered through clenched teeth.

"A onesie," Sebastian said. "Look." He pulled up the hood so Jim could see the ears, eyes and whiskers. "Now put it on!"

It took all of Jim's willpower not to punch the grin off his face. "Under no circumstances!" he hissed.

Sebastian's face fell and he stared at him. "Why not?"

"Are you kidding me?" Jim huffed. "Did you honestly think I'd ever wear this? I'm a grown man, not a... not a... plushy!"

"Jim..." Logan whispered, leaning closer. "You know he meant well. It's his way of telling you he thinks you're cute."

"I'm not cute!" Jim jumped to his feet. "I'm not a kitten and I'm not wearing that!"

" _I_ 'm wearing _these_!" Sebastian gestured angrily at his feet. "And I've grown up a _lot_ bigger and stronger than you. It's only fair if you wear yours!"

"Fine! I'll wear the feet!" Jim tossed the onesie on the floor and stepped into it. "There! We're even!"

"Not quite," Logan said, swooping forward and pulling down Jim's pants. "Pick him up, Sebby. We have to help him with it."

Sebastian smirked and followed their order willingly, pinning Jim's arms in place. "No scratching, Kitten. You'll only prove our point."

Logan quickly got him out of the pants, but the pyjama top proved more difficult and Jim certainly wasn't making it any easier, although he knew he couldn't stop them when they were ganging up against him. Remembering the usual outcome of their attacks, Jim relaxed a little. He supposed his dignity could handle even this, as long as he got an epic shag out of it.

"There you are," Sebastian said, finally pulling the hood over Jim's head and stepping back to admire the effect. "Just... purr-fect."

Jim was about to hiss at him, but thought better of it and just crossed his arms, pouting. "I look ludicrous. Are we done now? Can I take it off so we can fuck?"

"No..." Sebastian trailed a hand down Jim's arm and smirked. "Oh Kitten... So soft..."

"Smile!" Logan called out and Jim looked up, just in time to be blinded by a bright flash, accompanied by a loud click and then a faint whirring.

"Oh, you are brilliant," Sebastian told Logan, beaming. He pulled Jim close into an embrace and started stroking over the whole length of his back.

Jim was just about to let out one of those sounds that Sebastian insisted were purrs, when Logan snapped another picture.

"It's my mother's old polaroid," they told him, holding up the little square of paper where the picture was slowly appearing. "Completely unhackable. Even by brilliant little psychopaths."

"Let me kill them..." Jim begged, struggling to get loose. "Just a little..."

"Nope," Sebastian said, nuzzling the soft fabric over Jim's head. "Think of all the memories... It _is_ the best Christmas ever, isn't it, Kitten?" He lowered his hands to give Jim's arse a squeeze.

Jim yelped and tried to push him away. "I hate you, Tiger," he said. But his knees were growing weak. He was dressed like a fool and Logan was still taking pictures, laughing, but being held like this by Sebastian... He just couldn't stay mad when he felt so completely powerless and safe. He resisted for another moment, then grabbed Sebastian by the hair and pulled him down for a fierce kiss.

Sebastian growled into his mouth and lifted him a little from the floor.

Logan must have put down the camera, because a moment later, Jim felt an extra pair of arms wrapped around him and then he was trapped between their bodies.

They stood there for a long time. At one point, Jim found himself turned around, kissing Logan while Sebastian was nuzzling the grey ears on the hood of the onesie, muttering about all the delicious and slightly alarming things he wanted to do to him. Later, his head was resting against Sebastian's chest and he was smiling blissfully, listening to his heartbeat and the sound of the two snogging above him. He may have made a sound that was not utterly unlike a purr at that point.

Then Sebastian's stomach growled and, giggling, Jim freed himself and ran to the kitchen to prepare the food he had brought home, while the others set a very festive table.

He had only ordered food for two, but since neither he nor Logan were heavy eaters, there was plenty to go around. Besides, so many innuendos were dished out during the meal that they were soon stumbling up the stairs, heading for the bedroom, though slowed down by a lot of kissing, groping and tail pulling.

Just as they made it to the door, Jim stopped. "Tiger?" he asked, looking up into Sebastian's sparkling eyes.

"Yes?" Sebastian once again ran his hands over Jim's back.

"What did you get me? What's my real present?"

Sebastian smirked and gestured at Logan. "Aren't we enough of a present for you?"

Jim pouted but right then, Logan pulled his arms back and wrapped the tail around his wrists. "For now!" he gasped. "But you better get it to me before New Year's."

"Oh, it should arrive soon enough," Sebastian said, smirking as he trailed a nail down the line of Jim's jaw. "Now let's make you forget how curious you really are..."

"Not a chance..." Jim giggled. "Kittens are always curious."

Sebastian's grin turned devilish. "But you know what curiosity did to the cat."


End file.
